Its an animal

I was delusional this morning into thinking I could wash and wear. I had to raise the white flag to my hair after I couldnt tame it into laying smoothed out and pulled back. Ugh! I dont know I am yah close to calling in the texturizer!!

I am not my hair... but who am I

I'm not sure if it was the haircut, which caused the reinvention, which caused the image adjustment and reacceptance of who I am, but I am at a cross roads. Emotionall, financially, physically, I am in no mans land. Two years ago I felt as if I could conquer the world. I had set my goals and achieved everyone and was enjoying the fruits of my labor, my future was blinding! Fast forward 2 years and I am so down I am under the dumps. My identity, sense of purpose and direction are blurred beyond recognition. All my previous questions of my self worth have resurfaced and I wonder, where the strong determined me has gone. For years I have maintained a well balanced life, repaired many mistakes made in my earlier days and now it seems in the blink of an eye I have managed to wipe clean all my good investment in myself to revert back to the beginning. I feel tired. Just down to the bone tired. I control my destiny, energy in is energy out. I know this and yet why is it so difficult for me to get my engines started?

Its easy to believe that there may be some 'possible' roots set on you. There are some who just dont like me for no reason under the sun other me being me. It is the strangest most hurtful thing. Why Im letting it bother me is BEYOND me, but there is no denying it has gotten to me and in a very big way. Time to shake it all of and get on with the business of living.

Happy to be Nappy? Im not sure

So many moons ago I rocked past the shoulder length dreads that were GOOORGE US! and out of sheer boredom and having maxed out on creative ways to style it, I cut them. That was about 6 yrs ago. Since then I have rocked short permed styles and braids, toying always with the idea of going natural but never committing. So now I'm back and man I forgot the process all together. I have to get used to me again, my whole interpretation of beauty has to be redefined. I have to get used to my naps and styling them and what products to use. 2 months in after the big chop, I almost caved. Fingers hovered over the speed dial button to my stylist, ready to make my appointment to get fried, dyed and laid to the side. But after some pep talk from my best homie and my other half, I'm staying the course. I can do this. This is what God gave me and I can master managing it and look GORGE doing it.